That's what Friends for...Right?

I love my friends, always. Some of them hurt me over and over again, but I still do forgive them. Am I stupid? Someone says I'm a bit of special case cause I trust people very easily, so I take that as an insult cause it's indirectly saying I'm stupid tsk tsk tsk.

I'm graduating in 1 month time. After these 3 long years, I gain a lot of friends, true ones as well as I lost a few of them. I even have to wear my fake face to face them, it's suffering but well, can't help it, they are being fake to me, why should I be true to them?

I always experience this, whenever we're graduating, or leaving high school or something, I will find my good friends but unfortunately most of them have to go back to their own hometown. Definitely will keep in touch with each other, take bus, take train, tumpang kereta orang or I'll do whatever to meet them. If...I got the time, cause this occupation rarely provides me with sufficient time and energy to travel around for a long time.

Went for early morning jog with my friend, and we walked a the way to Taman Jaya and run for 2 and the half rounds cause the sun is coming out and we're kind of lazy. Today was a failed jogging session cause I normally jog for at least 6-7 rounds :( After that, we walked to nearest kopitam and had a wonderful Pork Noodle. YUMMMAAAY! Had to wait for like 30mins cause the sunty haven't open the shop yet. So we sat around, chit chat, ate the 'chu yuk fun' and went back to college.

Bought 2 pieces of egg tarts for my darlings and I realized something important. Even though the tarts is not expensive nor anything special bout it. But it does make some difference in our hearts, especially when it makes my friend super happy just because of the tarts, she's a pig, severe food lover so I can't blame her hahaha. My friends happy, so am I.

Will spend more time with them for the last few weeks, cause after this, I don't know when will we meet again. Maybe few months once? Once a year? Hopefully will meet each other more often cause I need some crazy friends to go crazy and wild with me once in a while to release stress. As in really release stress hahaha!

Gastritis strikes again...

I've been eating normally and according to time. I was wondering where is this stupid gastritis came from. The feeling of nauseated is unbearable. The reflux, the bloating tummy, tried to vomit out but can't. It's torturing. I'm the kind of girl that will never let my stomach empty. I will keep on finding food and stuffs to put into my mouth. Maybe because of that got some bacterial infection in my tummy? By the way, I'm chewing on roasted spicy green peas and drinking my homemade vico ice right now. YUM YUM~!

Some people said that maybe due to stress. But I never let myself in stressful state before how to be stress? Well, I really need to watch out for my food intake. No spicy, no spices, no acidic food. But I'm in love with CHILLY PADI. How not to eat spicy food you tell me?

My baby boy said that try to calm down and don't put so many things in my head. He told me to work hard, play hard, die young and no stress. Okay, I think I should listen to him and party hard every week bwahahaha!

I'm glad I have someone that always stays beside me no matter what. That truly understands me whenever I'm down and stressed. Even though he might be quite stupid and dumb in some way, but still he's the best guy I've ever had in my life. Never fail to cheer me up and shares my problems with. Once in a while will throw my ultimate tantrum on him and scolding him without reasons, and diverting the problem into smaller problems and totally out of topic.

9 more months, it's not long and it's not considered short, but I can't wait for the moment for him to come back to me. I never shed a tear during his departure, I bet when I receive him back from Australia, I'll cry like a pig. No make up on that day definitely, if not I can't imagine how would my face look like haha.

These time were hard, yeah it's making us crazy. Don't give up on me baby.
                 -For the First Time by The Script-

The lyrics are meaningful and it describes bout us most of it.

Oh yeah, I found some very good friends. But too bad I found them when we're separating soon. All of them going back to their own hospital. I found my party kaki, I found a kakis that can share problems with me and of course, they are a good company. I love you Y and S. Friends forever. Muaaahh~!

Life's Unfair but I'll Fight for It

Life is always unfair. Never been fair. For one moment everything's is under your control, and you expect the expected but at the last minute, it never turns out to be the one you're expecting, and guess what? It pulls you down, lower than the ground to the hell.

That's what I'm going through right now. Luckily I stayed positive, found some innocent people to let me shouted and whined at, and had an 1 hour 1/2 mins sleep, I'm alright once again. I'm Chin Hui again whee!

But still, this incident really made me think hard on my life. Yes I'm still a student for few more weeks I considered. And YOU, YOU! SOME of YOU should have some sympathy on us STUDENTS! And we'll be sitting our most important exam in our Nursing life and our whole life depends on it, and you reluctantly, hak yan changly refused to sign for it. I left just that tiny mini sign and everyone's got it after doing the both procedure and you gave me a illogical reason and only signed one?! Walao ehhhh. I really cannot accept it. We stayed up late, purposely walk back and forth from college to hospital site and at last. Did it, fought so hard for it, and this time is the first time I really did this hard for something. Maybe I'm just too over confident and taking things for granted.

I've learnt my lesson, never expect the expected but always expect the unexpected, because bad things might turn up at the last moment and at least you've prepared well for it. Who knows if it turns out to be good, and you'll enjoy the best moment out of it right?

Positive aura coming back to me again. Mind cleared from those stupid people. Eyes opened to see those who appreciate and cared for me. Heart is freed from pessimistic stuffs.

Conclusion, I'm myself again!! =D

I've reached my limit

I told myself many many uncountable times. Fuck. Sorry cause this post will be full of this words but I can't help it. My anger has reached it's limit.

Everyone kept telling me to keep myself cool and steady and it's just 6 months to go before moving out from the college. Well, today I really can't stand it anymore. I'm having my night shift and of course the one that knows well of course definitely my roommates. But guess what?! Not all are considerate and have brain. Well, actually it's just ONE.

The most shift ever, working for almost than 12hours from 8pm - 8am without any sleep, some more in the busiest ward EVER, call bells ringing, popos feeling agitated, plus walking up down, left right non stop the whole night. And I only can get my sleep for like 7 hours then I have to wake up, bath eat and prepare myself for another busy night again?

Can you be more considerate brainless 21? Yup, I name you brainless 21. I don't want to be too obvious even though it's already damn obvious. Whatever you might say, I write it down in internet to talk bad or gossip or stab behind your back or whatever. We are all girls, who doesn't gossip? Let me tell you something, you should felt proud because you got people from different country reading bout you, and you deserve this international advertisement.

When you're sleeping, I'm considerate enough to lower down the noises when I'm listening to music and when watching dramas. People did mistakes so do I, and I might have talked loudly sometimes but you know what you did? You " TSK " me, loudly with the hmmmm! WHAT...THE...FUCK!!! I never complain the chickeedee noises you made when you talking to your bf till 2-3am at night that annoys me, bang the door hard when I'm still sleeping from the tiring night shift, move on the bed like nobody's business. Seriously, who the fuck you think you are?

Fuck you. Everytime I knew you having morning shift the next day, and you slept early, I surely will try my best to decrease my movement when I climb up to the bed, to make sure didn't wake you up. You made noises with your bunch of friends in the room till 1am during exam and YOUR roommates, not just me, were wide awake staring at the bright light on top of up, can't go to sleep due to the light and the noises. We didn't even TSK the hell out of you!

Please! You're a grown up! Behave like one! Contribute more in this college! To the room! Don't show face when we call you to clean the room! It's not like we are born to see you show face to us!

I'm having whole week leave next week, and I'm so damn happy because I no need to see your face for at least 8 days. I can sleep soundly and happily without worrying when are you coming back from work to wake me up from sleep. You're making my life so miserable in the sense of not letting me to sleep. So proud huh? Fuck you brainless 21.

Tonight is my last night, I wouldn't mind if i not getting enough sleep cause I can sleep all I want. Wa, see you coming into my room really make me feel like slapping you in the face. Don't act innocent, you're not with your armpit smell. ARGH, stop talking with the act cute noise, waaaa, want to act like cat!

PUHLEEAAASSEE LA~!!!

Stay Positive!!! I did it!!

Today is considered the baddest day of the week for me. The most unlucky day. Damn! But, amazingly, I kept myself calm and cool. I did not let my hot temper go wild. A few bad things had happened to me. Not to hurt me physically but still those little tiny mini things will made me gone crazy for normal days.

Let me list out the unlucky incidences that occurred to me today.

1) Argue with a BABI last night caused me insomnia till 2am. Fine, today morning shift, I drank a cup of coffee to kept me going for the whole shift.

2) Didn't slept that well cause had nightmare for the third day consistently. This time about car crash. Bad bad sign.

3) Due to the empty stomach early in the morning, and I'm in the busiest team this morning, I've expected myself will not have my tea time. So, I cooked tom yam maggie + egg this morning at 6am =P. Finish eating, wanted to go out and wash my bowl, pooom! Tom yam all over my uniform! Oh yeah, and the eggs too. All over the floor and I left 20 mins to go to the ward. I quickly took off my uniform, put it in a pail of water realizing that's the last ironed set of uniform, desperately, I quickly go take my un-iron uniform and it look like shit :(. Wipe my floor, put on the new uniform and rush to hospital. SWEATY!!!

4) Reached the ward, manage to copy all the inhalations and it turns out damn loads of them. All have to give in the morning, and I'm the only senior in the team. Fine~

5) Then my junior got scolded for nothing but HER. But since I'm a good senior I helped her to give a good feedback xD. But still, YOU shouldn't scold us 'students' cause we did a lot of things that you won't know.

6) During lunch time, my 'beloved' junior, went for her lunch for more than 30 mins, I think bout 40mins+, and she haven't came back. This seriously made me a bit mad cause I'm starving and in a hypoglycemic state. Restless and diaphoresis.  I don't care anymore, cause staff told me to go eat and don't wait for her.

7) Went to toilet, open the tap water and all splashed onto my uniform, again! My uniform is white and can see through! Arggghhh!

I wrote this as 3.07pm, even though I might not know what the following bad things will happen to me after this hour, I'll still stay positive no matter what.

I've learn a lesson, care less, hurt less. I didn't expect people will return the 'care' I gave them but at least, give me some care ok? I'm tired mentally and physically. If I kept on giving and not receiving, I really scared I might lose my mind, very very soon. That time you can't blame me for being unreasonable and throwing my tantrum.

Amazingly, I still keeping my sanity intact LOL because the whole day I've been telling myself, behind all the bad stuffs, surely God will give a little good thing to me. Even if it's minor, it's still considered a blessing.

I definitely not going to let this to ruin my day!! Hiek hiek ROAR!!!

Complicated feelings.

Yes, it's my own fault again.

Yes, this is an emo post.

Having miserable, unexplainable feelings right now.

Have anyone of you felt these kind of feelings before?

That your whole world had just crushed in just few seconds?

Yes, I'm experiencing it now.

What should I do? Exams round the corner and I just added myself another stress.

The more I want it to be out of my head, the more I kept thinking bout it.

It's the past I know but, I just can't.

I can't accept the fact.

I know I did mistakes too but, this truth is too hard to be accepted.

I need time.

I need some space for my own.

I can feel insomnia is creeping and crawling to me.

Palpitation, nervousness, sweaty hands, body shivering, shaky hands.

Holding tears in my eyes. Preventing them to drop to the Earth.

I need to release myself.

I'm sorry.

But I just need to go out to release myself for this once.

I just need some time to forget and pass through this.

Once this miserable, complex feelings of mine go away, I'll be myself again definitely.

I won't harm myself but I won't guarantee that.

I've been through I lot these few months.

I believe that I'm strong enough to go through this again. 

It's just too sudden and I can't accept it at this moment.

Humans change. I change. You change. Everyone changes.

I don't know how to forgive myself. 

This is the critical moment, after this, I hope I'll be okay.

I'll try my best. I always try my best in everything. 

I'm sorry.

I'm truly sorry. 

What can I do to forgive myself?

Don't drop, don't give up. Stand up.

Hang in there. 

Grieving

Second night has passed and the whole hospital is on the high census season now. Why the hell the census is so dam high? On discharge and another admission coming. The bed have not been carbolize yet and phone calls coming asking for First Class Bed.

Ok, Rest In Peace. I'm in the grieving state now. I think you know why I'm in such state after my previous blog.

Man's live are short. We should enjoy each and every moment whenever we could because we doesn't know when we will be gone. This moment laughing and having a meal with you but the next moment you're gone.

I just woke up from my deep sleep. It's 3.00pm now. And I'm still tired. Whole body aching due to over activity last night. Strained my muscles and my both hands are energyless. My brain total shut down and having hormone imbalance at the moment.

What's happening to my body? Is this the sign of getting old?! NOOOO, I'm just 20. Sweet 20. I'm going to drink my Yakult and and get some sleep again. Goodnight.